Let’s face it… anal sex is terrifying to receive. Yet, in a cruel twist of fate, it’s also one of the most amazing eye-rolling sensations you can experience.
If you do it RIGHT.
Anal play can be amazing or downright painful, depending on how you approach it. If you’ve got a prostate, you might just have the best orgasm of your life.
While anal sex is typically practised by cis gay men (hey!) literally everyone has a butt, so the possibility for anal play can be experienced by anyone, however you identify.
Here, I’ve combined my own research and experience as a gay man into 10 easy steps – learn how to bottom with ease.
10 Tips For Easy Anal Play
1. First Things First, Go To The Toilet
Okay, this isn’t the most glamorous tip (most of this isn’t), but if you think you might need to go the toilet, then you should.
It goes without saying that butt play is a lot easier and less terrifying if you’ve recently pooped, as you can confirm that you’re pretty much empty down there.
It’s common sense, but we have to say it.
2. Eat a Healty Diet (or you’re fighting an uphill battle)
Okay, if you’re not eating a healthy diet full of fiber-rich foods, now is the time to START.
Eating a healthy fiber-rich diet essentially keeps your poops hard and your digestive system nice and tidy, so your anal canal is less likely to be filled with debris.
Foods to eat as part of your diet include:
- Fruit & Veg
- Beans & Whole Grains
- Nuts
- Brown Rice
- Metamucil Fiber Supplements
Foods to AVOID before bottoming include:
- Spicy Foods
- Lots of Dairy
- Foods you are intolerant/allergic to (gluten, cheese etc.)
- Large fatty meals
Of course, you can eat what you want and live your life as you see fit, but anal sex will likely but much easier if your diet is healthy overall.
And don’t forget to drink plenty of water! This helps to regularly flush out your system.
Makes sense.
3. Try Anal Douching (or something similar)
Okay, so there is no law that you HAVE to douche when learning how to bottom. Some bottoms simply eat healthy, stay regular, and “know” when they’re good to go.
Yes, they have the sixth sense for butt play.
BUT it’s worth considering anal douching if you want to be more confident during anal play. A bulb-style anal douche is the easiest way to do this.
Simply fill the bulb with warm water, lube up the tip, insert it into your butt, and squirt the water inside as best you can.
This will feel weird, but you get used to it.
Keep the water inside you for 1-2 minutes, “poop” it out into the toilet, and then repeat 2-3 times until the water comes out clear.
Yes, it’s not glamorous.
If you want to take things to the extreme, you can get full-on shower attachment enema kits and even shower enemas with dildo attachments, but most of us aren’t prepping to get gangbanged by 500 people, so a regular douche is fine.
4. Clean the Outside Of Your Butt, Too (anal hygiene goes both ways!)
With all this talk of douching before anal sex, it’s easy to forget about cleaning the outside of your butt and anal sphincter before sex!
Any self-respecting gay man keeps wet wipes or toilet wipes around for this very reason. Make sure to polish off the outside as well as the inside.
Especially if you like getting rimmed!
5. Lube, Lube and More Lube
I hope you like lube, because you need A LOT of it. There are 3 main types of lube you can use for anal sex, and all of them have their upsides and downsides:
- Water-based Lube – the most common lube type which is comapitable with all sex toys and condoms. However, it’s the least effective and dries up the quickest.
- Silicone-based Lube – a long-lasting lubricant which is brilliant for anal sex and safe to use with condoms. However, it cannot be used with silicone anal toys of any kind.
- Oil-based Lube – a long-lasting lubricant that can be used with most sex toys. However, it CANNOT BE USED WITH LATEX CONDOMS as it basically melts them.
If you’re learning how to bottom while using sex toys, oil-based lubes like Coconut Oil are perfect.
However, if you’re having anal sex with condoms, stick to silicone-based lube like Gun Oil or Pjur Back Door.
Water-based lube like Flesh Lube is fine (and cheaper) but it’s not as long-lasting and may be less comfortable overall.
Your choice!
6. Start With a Finger, A Butt Plug… SOMETHING
When learning how to bottom, the biggest mistake newbies make is going too big too quickly. Anal penetration is very different from vaginal penetration – the butt is not primarily designed to have penises shoved up in on a regular occasion.
This is where anal training comes in.
Before taking a penis or a toy in your butt, start small and slow. Use a single lubed-up finger before anything else. Get yourself all loosened up.
Once that becomes easy, insert a second finger and allow yourself to get used to that.
Give your anal muscles time to adjust!
Lots of bottoms like to wear a small butt plug before anal play for 30-60 minutes, giving their anal muscles time to adjust and loosen up before the show really begins.
You can even get anal training kits that allow you to move up to progressively larger sizes.
You’ll be a size queen in no time.
7. Make Sure You’re In The Mood For Anal Sex
This is something that I’ve experienced MANY times.
I plan to have anal sex (or anal masturbation) one evening, so I go ahead and douche, clean myself out, get in mood, slip a small sex toy inside me, and then “oh”.
My body just is not feeling it.
If you’re not really aroused or in the mood for butt stuff, then you’re going to struggle to enjoy anal sex.
Why? because anal penetration requires RELAXATION.
If you’re stressed out or not in the mood, then your muscles will naturally be more tense, things will hurt more than they should, and you’ll overall have a bad experience.
Only bottom if you truly want to.
8. Relax, Breathe Deeply, and “Push Out” (it works, honestly)
Following on from what we just discussed, you need to make sure that you are able to relax during anal sex. If you cannot, you’re gonna have a hard (i.e. painful) time.
Throughout the process, actively try to relax, breathing deeply and staying in the present moment. If you’re a fan of mindfulness and meditation, apply that same logic here.
There’s also a clever “hack” to try.
When the penis/sex toy is going inside you, gently “push out” like you’re going to poop.
This may seem weird and counterintuitive, but this muscle movement “opens up” your anal sphincter, similar to when you’re pooping and making room for the stool.
With deep breathing, mindfulness, and gently “pushing out”, you’ll learn how to bottom in no time.
9. Remember, YOU’RE the Boss in Butt Sex
You can prepare for anal sex till the cows come home, but being a good bottom doesn’t mean that your top will automatically know what to do.
Despite this overall idea that “tops are dominant” and “bottoms are submissive” in anal sex, this isn’t really the case most of the time.
Why? Because YOU get to control:
- When sex stops
- How fast or slow your top can go
- Different anal sex positions
- How long you have sex for
Good, consensual anal sex is all about communication and making sure that the bottom is able to accommodate the top and have a good time. After all, bottoms are the ones risking pain for the sake of pleasure!
In fact, I would strongly suggest riding and getting on top of your partner, giving you the ultimate control over speed, depth, and everything.
It’s incredibly liberating.
10. Consider Condoms and PrEP (better safe than sorry!)
This should go without saying, but sexually transmitted infections exist (including HIV) and no one wants to have a wild night of fun followed by a stark diagnosis a few weeks later.
Part of learning how to bottom is doing it responsibly!
You can get condoms designed specifically for anal sex (they’re stronger than regular ones) and combined with water-based lubes and silcone-based lubes, this is the easiest way to avoid infections from anal sex.
DO NOT USE OIL-BASED LUBES WITH LATEX CONDOMS – It destroys them quicky.
As well as preotecting you from STDs, condoms are a handy barrier between the penis and your butt. If anything goes wrong, it’s easuer to take off a dirty condom than wash your dirty penis.
Believe me.
Pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) is also a drug that many gay men take for their sex lives. This medication works by making it incredibly difficult to catch HIV in a life-threatening manner.
While it is worth looking into PrEP, it should not be a substitute for sensible sexual behaviour.
4 Things to Watch Out For When Bottoming
We can learn how to bottom, eat a good diet, and be on top of anal hygiene… still, sh*t happens.
Literally.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when having receptive anal sex!
1. Putting a Towel Down is Never a Bad Idea
You know sex is about to get spicy if you have to put a towel down!
Yes, it’s not the sexiest or most romantic thing in the world, but it’s usually worth putting a towel down when you prepare for anal sex.
Even if you don’t have any stray fecal matter to contend with, all that lube (and possibly other bodily fluids) can wreak havoc on those gorgeous bed sheets.
Don’t risk it!
2. NEVER Go From Butt to Vagina During Sex
Okay, if you’re a woman (or person with a vuvla) who’s having anal sex or masturbation… make sure that you or your partner NEVER go from butt to vagina without cleaning inbetween.
It probably won’t come as a surprise that your butt is dirty and filled with bacteria. We can anal douche for hours on end, but there will always be some germs in there that you do NOT want in your vagina.
Going from ass to vagina is a great way to get an infection!
3. Prepare Your Partner For the Possibility Of Mess
Anyone who’s having regular anal sex will know this, but you need to prepare your partner for the possibility of mess. If they want to put their penis/dildo/whatever in your bottom, they should know that things can go wrong.
That’s life.
Having the conversation beforehand (and making sure they’re cool with it) is the easiest way to avoid too much awkwardness if sh*t goes south. Literally.
4. Some Anal Sex Positions Are Easier Than Others
If you’re having a hard time dealing with the pain, just know that some anal sex positions are less painful than others for the bottom.
You’ll need to play around and see what works for you, but generally speaking I’ve found these to be good:
- Doggy style (arch your back!)
- Riding/cowgirl (gravity helps & you have more control)
- Spooning
- Lap Dance
Ultimately, you have to play around and see what works for you!
Make Anal Penetration a Breeze!
We hope this guide has helped you learn how to bottom with ease and confidence.
Preparing for anal sex can seem daunting, but the preparation is worth it for the final result, especially if you have a prostate.
Good luck in your anal sex journey!
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