• “Sex Down South” Conference 2022

    Atlanta is debatably the sexiest city in the United States. Currently ranked as having the fifth most strip clubs per capita… at 6.69 strip clubs for every 100,000 citizens.

    Nice.

    However, sex and Atlanta goes further than just a plethora of poles. In addition to multiple sex clubs, fetish festivals, and flagship adult stores, Atlanta is home to an innovative and insightful Sexual Health and Wellness conference dubbed Sex Down South

    The word “conference” may invoke less tantalizing feelings like jet lag or continental breakfast-induced heartburn, but Sex Down South isn’t your typical conference.

    Combining kinky fun and thoughtful information, Sex Down South is a rapidly growing and mind-blowing event. I traveled to 2022’s Sex Down South to see what all the fuss was about.

    Let’s Get This Party Started

    Beginning in 2015, Sex Down South is the brain baby of Marla Renee Stewart and Tia Marie Mosley

    Stewart brings the academia with multiple degrees and backgrounds in Psychology, Gender Studies, Sexual Health, and Public Health. Her long-time friend Mosley shares Stewart’s enthusiasm for hedonistic fun. 

    “Tia and I came up with the idea,” says Stewart, “We were having parties of our own at my house. Our first party was a carnival for my birthday. I think we had 200 people show up at my house. We had a Mexican Rock band, some fire dancers, a pie-eating contest. There was this thing hanging from my tree called ‘The Tube of Love’ where people would go in, and I would shout ‘hands!’ and people from every direction would come in and feel the person inside.”

    Oh, there’s more.

    “There was a mobile spank booth, we had fried Twinkies and Oreos, bar-b-que, that kind of stuff. We were like ‘this was successful, let’s do more,” Stewart said as if this didn’t sound like the raddest party in history. 

    For comparison, I celebrated my 35th birthday this month by eating a whole Family-size box of Boo Berry and watching X-Men cartoons.

    The parties kept coming, with incredible themes such as the “Empowering the Pussy Party” and the brilliant “No-Pants Prince Party”

    As incredible as it sounds to live in an eternal cycle of spicy ragers (especially the Prince one), Moseley and Stewart wanted to make more of an impact than a splash.

    Making Sex Conventions… Sexy

    X gonna give it to ya

    “We wanted to do something else, something more. I said ‘I want to do a conference,” Stewart explained. “Being more on the academic side of things, being at sex conferences was very, well, very white. Very stale. It’s like, we’re talking about sex here, and it was just not sexy.”

    While there is an argument to be made that an academic conference about sexuality should treat the subject matter with a dry, serious tone, it is shocking no one thought to try this fun and sex-positive approach before.

    It is, sadly, less shocking that there wasn’t more attention given to the intersection of sex and diversity. 

    “It would be me, and maybe a few other people would just be sort of like token POC there,” Stewart recalled, “So, I was like ‘let’s do our own sex conference’.”

    “Tia comes from the ‘enthusiast’ side of it,” explained Stewart, “She’s one of those people out to explore our sexuality more and want to know more. I’m on the academic research side but also a hedonist as well. I enjoy pleasure and having fun.”

    Tia Mosely is credited with creating the name for their new project. It is a damn good one.

    “She said ‘let’s call it Sex Down South,’ and I was like ‘YES!’. Let’s make it a three-day conference!” Stewart excitedly recalled. Then the obvious question arose.

    “How do we do that?”

    Stewart got in touch with her mentor and ATL legend Mary Anne Adams. Adams is the founder of ZAMI NOBLA, the National Organization of Black Lesbians on Aging. ZAMI NOBLA focuses on advocacy and community action research and offers a base for black lesbians over 40.

    Adams had organized her own conferences and was happy to give Stewart as much knowledge as she needed. Another resource was Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, a Washington DC-based group that works on legislative efforts to protect sexual and human rights.

    With the mentorship of these incredible people, the pair included the opinions of their communities. They asked what people actually wanted to see and experience and how much they would be willing to pay and designed the event around those answers. 

    With such a large undertaking ahead, the duo wanted a team to help with organization and costs. They were shot down, leaving the two of them $200 to get their new business off the ground. 

    “$200 between us, We were lucky. I don’t know, we were lucky or just manifested it. Whatever we did, we just made black girl magic happen” Stewart said with a proud sigh. 

    Atlanta Poly Weekend sponsored their audio-visual needs with projectors and screens. When all was said and done, the event monetarily broke even, but the almost 250 attendees cheered for more. 

    In 2022, the conference brought in more than double the amount of fans. At the Welcome address, the room was asked how many were coming to Sex Down South for the first time. The room turned into a sea of raised hands, solidifying just how much Marla and Tia’s efforts were needed and appreciated.

    Black Girl Magic in Action

    America has a vile history of systemic violent oppression toward anyone who is not a cishet white male. 

    Frankly, that last sentence could have ended after the first five words. 

    People of color are still, in 2022, either sexually fetishized or demonized. Those in the Queer community, especially Trans people, are targets of disgusting rhetoric and heartbreaking violence.

    A refreshing aspect of Sex Down South is how joyously and unapologetically black, female, and queer it is. The vibes were not just inclusive, which is the bare minimum, but brimming with love for every race, gender expression, and orientation.

    When picking up passes and a generous swag bag, guests need to sign a waiver. Unlike other liability forms that protect organizers from lawsuits, this one was filled with clauses about consent, not assuming gender, and being kind to one another.

    We love to see it.

    Everyone was smiling, genuinely happy to be around people who were simultaneously so different from each other but also so much alike. We were all there to leave hate behind, broaden our horizons, have fun, and enjoy each other.

    It is an honestly unironic weekend of “Live, Laugh, Love”. 

    Sitting in the Sheraton ballroom on the first day of SDS, as one of the few token cis white dudes surrounded by strong, brilliant, and hilarious black women and nonbinary folks was a truly moving experience. 

    For a weekend event that had a BDSM dungeon and events such as Face F*cking with Captain Nemo and Knuckle Up!: Fisting & Manual Sex, the best word to describe the tone was “sweet.” 

    It’s About the Emotion in the Ocean

    It’s about to go off.

    Before entering the Sheraton and seeing the schedule covered in panel and workshop names like the ones mentioned above, it would be understandable to feel like you’re walking into a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Surprisingly, you would be wrong. 

    Well, not totally wrong. Just missing a big piece of the puzzle. 

    The majority of events are focused on mental well-being and self-affirmation. There is plenty of physical pleasure to be had, but emotional health is just as important. 

    “Healing and Restoration” was the guiding theme for 2022. There is no denying the world is more toxic and maddening than anytime before, and Sex Down South wants to function as an oasis. 

    Tucked away down the hall from the main lobby is an oasis within the oasis. A room referred to as “The Healing Space” for those who need a break from everyone or need to talk with a certified professional. 

    Events and workshops continue the ethos of healing, many of which are limited to certain groups. There are some where only Trans people are allowed, some where only black women can join, even one for those with STIs and their partners.

    If the idea that this very inclusive conference would have exclusionary events confuses you, then spend more than 3 seconds thinking about it. These are literal safe spaces for those who wouldn’t normally have an outlet to discuss sensitive topics in a judgment-free environment. 

    Having that opportunity, even for 1 hour out of the year, can be a powerful experience. 

    Is it weird the notebook excited me the most?

    Speaking from my own experience, the Navigating Sex Positive Spaces as a Neurodivergent Adult seminar was my “one hour”. Led by KJ Hawk, participants were encouraged to introduce themselves to the room with their name, pronouns, special flavor of neurodivergence, and a challenge they faced to be in this room right now. 

    To my surprise, I was on the verge of tears before I had finished my introduction. I managed to keep it together, but like watching a Pixar movie, it was only a matter of time. 

    Having been diagnosed with ADHD only a few years ago, this was the first time I was surrounded by people who truly understood what it was like. Obviously, there were plenty of times I was surrounded by other ND folks, but we were usually focusing on our D&D campaign or getting on stage to perform in a nearly empty bar.  

    KJ had us pair up for an exercise. My partner was a 20-something with neon hair from Miami. We were instructed to ask one another a series of deceptively simple questions, thank your partner for their answer, and repeat the question two more times. 

    The questions all started with “What do you…”, starting with “want”, then “need”, and finally “fear”. My new buddy was very kind when I lost it on the final “need”

    It was a singular experience I will be eternally grateful for.

    It’s not all tears and emotional breakthroughs. Many of the events were just plain fun.

    Coach Catasha’s 28-Day Self-Care Workshop, where the visitors are encouraged to focus on making themselves happy and feel at home in their bodies. Coach Catasha is a Sex Educator from Oklahoma who pretty much assaults the audience with crass positivity. 

    Removing morality, religion, and spirituality from the equation, Catasha encourages everyone to “walk in their purpose” and ignore what others think. If you enjoy something, don’t let others make you feel insecure or ashamed of it. 

    Or as she said in the first five minutes of the seminar: “If y’all eat avocado, y’all can’t judge me for eating ass.”

    Speaking of which…

    Getting Down in the Dirty South

    If anyone got too wrapped up in the feelings of it all and forgot why they were here, just walking through the main lobby area would be a quick reminder.

    Along with booths dedicated to non-profits and advocacy groups were table after table offering a bounty of sex toys. There were handmade wooden paddles hung with artisan leather whips and riding crops. 

    The adult boutique Starship displayed the latest and greatest in vibrators.

    Remember when I mentioned me crying? Now picture this 200lb, six-foot and two-inch tall, mustachioed fella doing it as he walks by a table covered in high-end bespoke dildos. 

    Suddenly, I could not stop laughing. It felt like I had taken too much LSD in a cornfield.

    Besides the vendors and guest speakers, the BDSM dungeon known as “The Labyrinth” is a mainstay of Sex Down South. Outfitted with the cleanest and comfiest Medival furniture, everyone was welcome to indulge during open hours. 

    Some blocks of time were dedicated to specific groups, classes, or events. One entertaining party was the Strap-on-a-thon. Everyone was welcome to slap on a synthetic wang and enjoy themselves. Things quickly got silly as we improvised games and competitions. 

    There was Dick in the Dark where players closed their eyes and had to guess by touch who was wearing what. Eventually, things heated up with the handjob contest. Pairs would take turns as others cheered from the side with the intensity of a Russian gymnastics coach. 

    All of this insanity was going on while being surrounded by people having sex. Surreal doesn’t even begin to describe it. 

    Cranking the dial to at least eleven was the Kinky Olympics on Saturday night. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Contestants would please the judges in an increasingly intimate series of sex acts ranging from the tried and true hand-jibber all the way to outright penetrative sex. 

    When asking the crowd for volunteers, you could almost hear shoulders popping out people were raising their hands so fast.

    Bookending the conference were the parties on Thursday and Saturday nights known as Lil’ Bang and the legendary Big Bang. Each of these events showcased a variety of performing artists that could put most arena concerts to shame. 

    During all of this raunchy decadence, every room was wall-to-wall smiles. No one was being rude or creepy, everyone was supportive and kind as we all connected over our shared love of sex and pleasure. 

    That is the point of Tia and Marla’s vision: bringing people together and supporting one another with a heartfelt and sincere love for everyone.  

    As I said, it’s all just so sweet. 

    Post-Conference Bliss

    Atlanta’s Sex Down South Conference is a remarkable point in time and space. People from all parts of the spectrum come together to… well, come together. 

    Looking past the bawdy and decadent fun, there is a true sense of empowerment and self-discovery brought on by what is offered here. 

    “It’s so important for people to tap into their sexuality,” Stewart says, “They might be afraid or have shame from the stigma they’ve come across from how they were raised. It is so important to tap into this and ask ‘what do I desire?’, ‘how can I make that happen for myself?’”

    “Once you get authentic in who you are and what you like in your pursuit of pleasure, I think you’ll find immense freedom, and you’ll understand yourself more,” she continues, “The more self-aware we are with our sexuality, the more confident we are, I feel, in our everyday life.” 

    Whether you are looking to learn more about yourself and expand your horizons or are regularly covered in latex and lube and just looking for a good time, Sex Down South is the place to be.

      • Justin Perlman (he/him) is a comedian and writer based in Atlanta. He has two cats named Dr. Whoopsy-Daisy & Superintendent Chalmers and cries at the ending of Robocop.

      • Joe Hallas is a Writer & Editor, working on topics like LGBTQ+ issues & Sex Positivity. He’s also the singer of a band that does Punk Rupaul covers in drag.

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