Calendar: Jan. 3-10

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3Learn | Pop-Up Museum: Sports and Leisure

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3

Learn | Pop-Up Museum: Sports and Leisure

The holidays are finally over, so you know what that means—Eastern State Penitentiary has finally transformed from a spooky, terrifying trips into the bowels of history to, well, a spooky, terrifying trip into the bowels of history. Crazy how nature do that, huh? Just like it’s crazy how inmates found ways to stay fit and even – gasp! – have fun while incarcerated. This pop-up look into the past provides history buffs a glimpse of prisoner-made crafts, paintings, confiscated shanks and other weapons. That’s not just fun … that’s fun for the whole family! | 11am. Prices vary. Eastern State Penitentiary, 2027 Fairmount Ave. tickets.easternstate.org

Party | Get’cha Head in the Game

How friggin’ cool. Listen to this—”a Disney-themed karaoke and dance party.” We never knew it was possible to string all of those words together in a single sentence, but someone went and did it (DJ Deejay? Also, awful name, bro, but we’ll let it slide) and we legit couldn’t be happier. Karaoke is terrifying to do but awesome to watch and listen to and jeer (lightheartedly, of course). And everyone has at least one (secret or not) Disney song that they love and know by heart and listen to on repeat whenever they’re down. Dancing is cool too … as long as you don’t have to move too much. | 9pm. $5. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

Music/Comedy/Learn | Open Mic at 16th & Spring Garden

We don’t often include open mics, and for good reason. That reason mostly being that they’re everywhere and happening all the time and so it’s not necessarily noteworthy when one is going down. But every once in a while we like to include one just so people don’t forget the fine folks still just trying to make it, the hope-rs and dreamers who pour their heart and soul into something they don’t really have a platform from which to share. Sure, make all the jokes you want, but remember this—at least the people onstage are willing to try, and that’s more than most can say. | 630pm. Free. Hussian College, 1500 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

Food | Paula’s Drag Kitchen

We don’t know Timothy Antwon Toler aka Paula Deen-White, the drag queen/chef extraordinaire who will be hosting this fine evening of food and fun and finery, but if we did, we’d definitely ask if there’s a Paula Deen angle to the stage name and whether it’s meant to mock the former celebrity chef’s, ahem, questionable cultural choices of the past. But that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here for Paula’s Drag Kitchen … just like we’re here for whatever funny shit we can all come up with to mock her leathery, overstuffed, race-baiting namesake. | 630pm. $8. Hussian College, 1500 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

Outdoors | Winter Solstice Bird Walk

No, Sweet Dee won’t be there, but that’s hella funny and we’re glad you made that connection too. It may not actually always be sunny in Philadelphia, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still plenty of options for the more outdoorsy amongst us. Take this event for example. Seriously, take it … just kidding. We were possessed by the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield for a second there. Wait … Rodney Dangerfield is dead, right? Somebody look that up, Alright, anyway … where were we? Oh right. “It’s Always Sunny” really is an amazing show. Don’t love the latest season though. | 4pm. Free. The Woodlands, 4000 Woodland Ave. woodlandsphila.org

FRIDAY, JANUARY 4

Art | Oh! You Pretty Things: A Bowie Inspired Art Show

It’s gonna be a Bowie-heavy week here in the Calendar section of PW. Mostly because we love David Bowie and all the weird, spaced-out musical amazingness his too-short years in this dimension brought us, but also because the fine folks at Philly Loves Bowie have taken it upon themselves to put together a full week of events aimed at celebrating the Prince of Pastels and Face Glitter’s life/oeuvre/transmogrification. So start with the art show, but gird yourselves for a week’s worth of “Life on Mars?” … in Philly. | 6pm. Free. Ruckus Gallery, 27 N. 2nd St. phillylovesbowie.com

Party | A Bowie Masquerade Ball

Normally, we’d just make Philly Loves Bowie Week into The Scene and call it a day, but there was so much juice from this particular piece of “Fame” fruit and we love that wild space alien so damn much that we figured it was better to space it out (see what we did there?) across the entire seven days (or in Bowie Terms, “that means nothing because time is a human construct and my species has transcended the need for such trivialities”). Next up on the docket? A masquerade ball. Just like Bowie would’ve wanted. | 10pm. $10. Ruba Club, 416 Green St. eventbrite.com

Party | Emo Night Brooklyn: Philadelphia

Sometimes, we have to stop and wonder just how it is that these events get named. Like, for instance, this one. “Emo Night Brooklyn: Philadelphia” is possibly the most convoluted, unnecessarily confusing name in the history of events. And we get it—you started a company called Emo Night Brooklyn, and now it’s big enough to take it elsewhere. Cool. But just know that the confusing-ass name is probably keeping at least a few people on the outs. Plus, description like this definitely don’t help. | 1030pm. $12. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

Music | Badfish: a Tribute to Sublime

Tribute bands are kinda … weird. Like, you love music obviously, which is why you made a band and started playing shows. But also, isn’t the whole point with music to create stuff? To make your own sound that would then draw people in? Like does anybody love any one band that much? Who knows, maybe we’re completely in the wrong here, but all we do know is Bradley Nowell was a genius and we’ll be right there singing “40 Oz. to Freedom” with all the other old people (yes, it’s their debut album, but it’s also the third track on that album, you poser). | 8pm. $20. TLA, 334 South St. concerts1.livenation.com

Music | Slim & The Perkolators

Most of you have probably never heard of Slim & The Perkolators—heck, prior to creating this event entry neither had we. But it feels a whole lot like the blues – a musical genre with a storied history, both in this country and abroad, that essentially forms the structural basis of most current popular music – doesn’t get quite the shrift it should. So go to The Twisted Tail and check out the new blues taking root in America. | 9pm. Free. The Twisted Tail, 509 S. 2nd St. eventbrite.com

SATURDAY, JANUARY 5

Art | Me & Mr. Jones: My Intimate Relationship with David Bowie

First off, the most important part—proceeds from ticket sales go to benefit the Cancer Center at CHOP. The second most important part? The New York Times has previously referred to performer Raquel Cion as “half witch, half cabaret performer.” And while we would never presume to speak for the Spaceman ourselves, we bet he’d have at least half a mysterious smile for this event. | 6pm. $20. Frank Bradley’s, 1320 Chancellor St. ticketfly.com

Party | The Birthday Bash! Ziggy v. The Thin White Duke

What is it? Where did it come from? Did we bring it into being simply by invoking the name of the demi-god we know as David Robert Jones? All questions you could ask of Bowie himself, as well as this particular event … the event that started it all, those long, strange years ago. As for the “what is it?” end of things, we don’t really know. But we know it’s Bowie-inspired and therefore absolutely worth your Saturday evening. | 830pm. $25. Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St. ticketfly.com

Party | Let’s Dance! A Bowie Blitz Dance Party

Put on your red shoes and dance the god damn blues. Or greens. Or whites. Or blacks or browns or oranges or … ok, you get it. This event is actually something of a mash up, mixing Bowie’s Week in the City of Brotherly Love with Sex Dwart, Philly’s own long-running Rock of the 80s dance party. Sex Dwart. Yep, you read that right. And yes, Bowie would have loved this. And also yes, our minds are full of wonderfully disgusting images right now. | 7pm. $5. Club Mousai, 1227 Walnut St. evensi.us

Party | Drop It Like It’s Hot

It’s turned into something of an unintended throwback week here in the Calendar section of Philly Weekly. Bowie tributes. Emo Night featuring too-long bangs and The Used. Sublime tributes, which is totally cool and definitely not at all weird or out of style. But this event just might take the cake. Abercrombie & Fitch. Limewire. Braces. Anybody else feeling the urge to stand awkwardly in the corner and pretend like the sweat building up under your arms isn’t making you almost as uncomfortable as the fact that the kid you like pretended not to hear when you asked to dance? No one? Ok. Cool. | 10pm. $10. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

SUNDAY, JANUARY 6

Food & Drink | 3rd Annual Philly Loves Bowie Brunch

We can’t decide whether Bowie would’ve been a fan of brunch or not. On the one hand, it’s an excuse for the vapid and vain to get day drunk in a socially acceptable situation. On the other, it’s an oddly formal, yet highly enjoyable chance to dress up nice and sip coffee while snacking on tasty treats. Bowie would probably fall somewhere in the middle—dressed to the nines, but grinning through his teeth at the excess around him. | 11am. Free. Chatayee Thai, 1227 Walnut St. phillylovesbowie.com

Party | Bowie Paint & Create: A Benefit for CHOP

Once again, the most important part—this is a fundraiser for the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. The second most important part? It’s a paint and play at a hair salon. What’s not to love? No painting experience needed, just a wild sense of style and maybe a little love of Bowie. And hey, even if you don’t love Bowie, we doubt he’d begrudge you an afternoon of fun. | 2pm. $40. Rebel Rebel Salon, 2603 E. Allegheny Ave. phillylovesbowie.com

Drink | The Philly Loves Bowie Quizzo Night

How old was David Bowie when he first burst onto the music scene? What was his first international hit? What year did he change his name from David Robert Jones to David Bowie? What was the inspiration behind the name change? How old was David Bowie (in human years) when he passed away? What was his planet of origin and what universe houses the planet? If you can answer these (incredibly easy) questions, you’ll probably do ok. | 9pm. Free. Doobies Bar, 2201 Lombard St. phillylovesbowie.com

Kid Friendly | Free First Sunday Family Day

Every first Sunday of the month brings free entry to The Barnes Foundation, where you and your kiddies can peruse the collection, including Berthe Morisot: Woman Impressionist, and a whole heaping bunch more. The Big Draw is a British-based visual literacy program that encourages learning through drawing, and you can even join actual artists in creating a “doodle mural,” which is a lot less dirty than it sounds. | 10am. Free. The Barnes Foundation, 2025 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy. barnesfoundation.org

Movie | Chill & Kill Horror: Mandy

Nicholas Cage is a madman. You might think that’s a lead-in to the description of this movie, but it’s not. It’s just our opinion. Nicholas Cage is, legitimately, a man who’s gone mad. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to hurt anyone or even himself. But it does mean that he’s gone off the deep end, willing to make whatever movie crosses his path, living his best life with reckless abandon. Of course, the good part about taking the shotgun approach to movie-making is that you’re bound to hit on at least one killer. And that’s “Mandy” (see what we did there?). | 7pm. Prices vary. Century, 1350 S. 29th St. facebook.com

MONDAY, JANUARY 7

Party | BowieOke!

Sara from Sing Your Life Karaoke is teaming up with Johnny Brenda’s to put on a free event that’s sure to be as fun as it is crowded. Seriously, if you want a shot at singing your heart out to “Starman” or “Rebel Rebel” then you better get there and signed up as early as you can. Time didn’t exist for Bowie, but it sure does for us mere mortals. Also, don’t even think about doing “Dancing in the Street,” or we’ll boo you back to The Gayborhood. | 8pm. Free. Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 Frankford Ave. phillylovesbowie.com

Learn | Enough Is Enough: Women’s Wellness Group

As long as this support group continues to operate, we’ll continue to include it here. Join other women of color as they strive to overcome the anguish and anger at living in world dominated by men. Share your stories, listen to the words and winding paths of others, offer what you can to ensure that every woman who joins the group goes home knowing the world is a better, safer place than they may realize. | 630pm. Free. Uncle Bobbie’s Coffee & Books, 5445 Germantown Ave. unclebobbies.com

Learn | REAL ID Pop-Up Pre-Verification Event

We’ll admit it—this isn’t much of an event. Which isn’t to say that you shouldn’t attend or take advantage because, let’s be honest, how many of us are going to remember that this whole REAL ID thing is, well, a thing, and make sure we go out and get ourselves one before it becomes legally mandated (you’ll need it to fly domestic, for example)? We don’t see any hands in the air, so we’re going to assume that most of you should get the requisite shit together and go to this not exciting, but entirely necessary event. | 2pm. Free. Philadelphia International Airport, 8000 Essington Ave. dmv.pa.gov

Music | Spotlight Cabaret: Elena Camp and Rajeer Alford

Wanna know why it’s called the “Spotlight Series?” Oh, you have a guess. Oh, you think it’s because this event series is meant to act as a sort of metaphorical spotlight for local artists who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get top billing? Well, we don’t know who you think you are but … you’re exactly right. Good job. Or, “good on ya,” as the Aussie’s might say. They do say that don’t they? Why are you looking behind you, we’re talking to you. You’ve got all the answers, big shot, so what’s the answer? Huh? Huh!? | 7pm. $20. The Proscenium Theatre, 302 S. Hicks St. 11thhourtheatrecompany.org

Networking | The Connect: An LGBTQ Hangout

Head on over to The Gayborhood for an evening of cocktails, work tales and that one dude who is just way too hyped for the event and clearly spent the hour beforehand yelling at himself in the mirror about how many connections he has to make before he can go home. Take it easy, Craig. It’s really not that serious. Just shake some hands, say hello to a few people and … no. No, what are you doing? Put your phone away. No one wants to see the picture you took when you cornered Dan Savage after a speech at your private college. | 530pm. Free. Writer’s Block Rehab, 1342 Cypress St. philly.carpe-diem.events

TUESDAY, JANUARY 8

Food & Drink | The Bowie Birthday Benefit Donut

At its center, it’s dark. Luscious. Mercurial. Made to move mountains with a single smack. On the outer rim it’s bright. Shining. A perfectly pressed swirl of pastel paints, glittering diamonds, an ethereal dream of almost mythic proportions. Are we talking about a donut or the man/myth/space creature himself? The only way to find out is to go to a Federal Donuts on Tuesday and see for yourself. | 7am. Free. Federal Donuts, 1219 S. 2nd St. phillylovesbowie.com

Party | Acid Bird Spins Bowie

Acid Bird is Johnny Brenda’s monthly downstairs DJ night. Only this time, it’s been give a space-a-licious twist. But it’s not just Bowie you’ll be hearing. His influences will make many an appearance, from techno trip hop to ambient noise rock to … showtunes? Yeah, that’s right. Fuckin’ showtunes. So put on your red shoes and … oh, we did that already? Well who cares. But get ready to dance. | 8pm. Free. Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 Frankford Ave. phillylovesbowie.com

Learn | Night Skies in the Observatory

This is, believe it or not, actually yet another entry in the Philly Loves Bowie Week ledger. And not just because it involves space! Though that is a large part of the reason. But this edition of the monthly stargazing event will actually pay homage to The Thin White Duke via Bowie-themed events ranging from “Starman” to “Ziggy Stardust” to a chance to make your own Night Stars Bowie pin. Put it all together and this is sure to be a … “Space Oddity.” | 7pm. Prices vary. The Franklin Institute, 222 N. 20th St. fi.edu

Learn | Art Tour – William Rush Statues

Outside of Philly Loves Bowie, we’re going hard on the opportunities to learn this week. Is that by choice, you ask. The answer is no, of course not. Well, not entirely at least. We know you heathens, you beautiful Gritty-loving disasters could use some god damn culture. But we also know that it’s the week after New Year’s, which is only a few day afters the holidays, and no one is really up for anything too serious. So … go. Learn. Grow as a person before you drink it all away in the new year. | 10am. Prices vary. The Masonic Temple in Philadelphia, 1 N. Broad St. pamasonictemple.org

Learn | Introduction to Pastry Arts

Tuesday is quickly becoming Learning Day. If you’ve got the itch for information, a little need for knowledge, then this week our calendar section will be dispensing thought-provoking events left and right. This particular event will teach you all you need to know about the art of dough. The skill of scone. The mastery of macrons. Actually, it’s just an introductory course, so maybe you’ll learn how to make icing? | 7pm. $435. The Restaurant School at Walnut Hill College, 4207 Walnut St. walnuthillcollege.edu

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 9

Movie | The Sigma Kids

The year is 1974. David Bowie, already riding the rising tide of “Fame,” journeys to Philadelphia to record his newest album, “Young Americans.” A group of kids, fanatics of the utmost order, camp outside the studio in the hopes of getting just a glimpse of the mythical creature known as Bowie. Only, in true Bowie fashion, they got so much more. From local filmmaker Anthony Crupi comes this look at the lucky few known simply as, “The Sigma Kids.” | 630pm. $8. Roxy Theater, 2023 Sansom St. filmadelphia.secure.force.com

Art | Drink & Draw

If you’ve never been to a drink and draw event, you really should do yourself a favor. Not that it’s like, a transcendent experience or anything. You’re not going to suddenly unlock hidden talents you never knew existed. But it’s a nice way to spend an evening, chatting with the people you came with or whomever is around you, sipping a drink or four as you all try your best to mimic what the teacher made look so easy. It’s like bonding over shared incompetence. | 6pm. Free. WeWork Northern Liberties, 1010 Hancock St. philadelphia.aiga.org

Networking | Speed Dating Ages 22-39

Ugh. Dating is the fucking worst. No two ways about it, if we here in the Calendar section of Philly Weekly had to choose between using Gritty’s surely sweat-soaked undergarments as a blanket for the next six months or taking part in a speed dating session, we’d choose those hateful Hanes every day of the week. That being said, we’re not you. And some people really love to just … wait. Who are we kidding? No one loves speed dating. You do it because you’re unhappy and desperate. Just like us, nestling beneath the elastic waistband of death. | 7pm. $20. Rosy’s Taco Bar, 2220 Walnut St. eventbrite.com

Music | Reignforest

We’re gonna go out on a limb here (rim shot) and say that this is probably gonna be one of those events with insufferably loud music, drinks sold in tiny plastic cups, and a dude on stage standing behind a computer pretending to push buttons as he does his best to look intensely focused. Or maybe not. Who knows? Certainly not us. Maybe you. Do you know? Does anyone? We think maybe we’ve spent too much time thinking about David Bowie this week and sent ourselves into something of an existential tailspin. | 10pm. Free. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. residentadvisor.net

Learn | Intro to Data Science: Build a Predictive Model

Sure, data science doesn’t sound all that exciting, but do you have any idea how much money data scientists make? No? Well, we don’t either. We were kind of hoping you’d know and we’d all just ooh and ahh over that. Anyway. Data scientists probably make a fuckton (that’s metric for those of you who are wondering and also have no shot at ever becoming a data scientist) so get on your metaphorical horse and learn to build predictive models already. | 7pm. Free. Citycoho, 2401 Walnut St. eventbrite.com

THURSDAY, JANUARY 10

Art | The 3nd Annual Philly Loves Bowie Memorial

What do colored chalk and David Bowie have in common? They’re both washed away by the tides of time (which, again, Bowie himself does not believe in because, as we’ve already said on numerous occasions, his species had transcended such constructs, though his human form obviously had not). Which is our way of saying that it’s important to pay tribute however you can, even if it’s in the form of a drawing that will disappear the first time it rains. | 3pm. Free. Doobies Bar, 2201 Lombard St. phillylovesbowie.com

21+ | Baby Can Dance: A Bowie Burlesque Show

We just learned a new term—stage kittens. Apparently, that’s a thing, at least where burlesque is concerned. It sounds hot … sorta. But also not really? Maybe not at all? Maybe we’ve spent too much time around actual kittens—we’re not sure. But either way, this event is all about local buskers, bustiers and, well, stage kittens. Stage cats. Kitty cats. See? It just doesn’t work. | 8pm. $10. Ruba Club, 416 Green St. phillylovesbowie.com

Music | The Funktion 011: Emalkay & spacegeishA

It’s the … conjunction funktion … what’s your funktion? Does anyone else remember that? Pretty sure it’s from “Schoolhouse Rock.” What? Don’t look at us like that. We’re an alt weekly that’s been in circulation in one form or another since 1971. We’re old as heck. That’s why we have so much wisdom. The wisdom of age. Of experience. Of lessons learned through lots and lots and lots and lots of failures. Did we say lots of failures? | 9pm. $20. The Liaison Room, 1253 N. Front St. thefunktion011.theticketingco.com

Music | Through Being Cool EMO NIGHT

Was the emo scene like, way bigger in Philly than we remember? Sure, The Used and Saves The Day were big bands in the way back when (along with black bangs and pants that were at least two sizes too tight), but the sudden ubiquity of emo nights is truly startling. Now, we’re not in any way, shape or form suggesting you shouldn’t attend—you absolutely should. We just think it’s important to live the examined life. So … what the fuck, Philly? | 10pm. $3. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. barbarylive.com

Comedy | Philly Song Jawn with Sean

Does anyone know where the word “jawn” actually came from? Like, we have a vague memory of someone in middle or high school using the word without any prior warning, and then suddenly it was just everywhere. Sure, certain publications say it’s somehow derived from the word “joint,” which sorta makes sense if you’ve got that hard South Philly accent. It’s confusing as hell, honestly, but either way you should go to this parody song showcase jawn. Hosted by Sean. Sean’s jawn. | 8pm. $8. Philly Improv Theater, 2030 Sansom St. eventbrite.com