Calendar: Dec. 6-13

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 6

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 6

Music | Polo & Pan

Chaotic dance beats that melt into soaring pop melodies, devolving once more into trance-like, trip hop nonstop beats. And beats. And beats. Just like your heart as it tries desperately to keep pace with the franticness of the music and the chaos around you, the bodies as they fling themselves to and fro, disappearing inside the music only to reappear again, a little sweatier, a little sweeter, and little more alive than they’d been only a few moments before. That’s not necessarily Polo & Pan, but we dare you to find out. | 730pm. $20. Union Transfer. 1026 Spring Garden St. utphilly.com/polo-pan

Social | Kringle’s Kittens Adoption Event

Friggin’ kittens. Seriously, is there anything better on this chaotic ball of blue we call home? Puppies maybe. Or a baby seal, which also happens to be called a pup. Maybe a filly (see what we did there?), or a quokka (look it up, you won’t be disappointed). Cuteness quotient aside though, Philly’s got a lot of kittens and not nearly enough loving homes. So head out to The Cat Doctor this Thursday for a feline-filled evening that’s all about bringing the cute in out of the cold and, hopefully, directly to your lap. | 6pm. Free. The Cat Doctor. 535 N. 22nd St. acctphilly.org/kringles-kittens

Social | Terminally Chill Dance Party

We here in the calendar section of PW take the naming of events very seriously. It makes sense, really – tasked with explaining events, finding some interesting way to talk about them. As a general rule, the weirder the title, the better for our purposes. But on this one, we’re not really sure how we feel. Sure, the word play is tight. And it gives you a good idea of the expected tone of the evening. But it’s still a little … iffy? Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go, just maybe while you’re there grab a promoter and not-so-gently suggest they come up with a different name. | 10pm. Prices vary. The Barbary. 951 Frankford Ave. philly.carpe-diem.terminally-chill

Social | QOTA Under the Trees

QOTA is a monthly happy hour on East Passyunk Ave, geared towards the LGBTQ community and their allies. QOTA Under the Trees is, well, QOTA under the trees. Only these trees are inside the facilities at Urban Jungle, a one-stop depot for all your home and gardening needs. Together, this is one LGBTQ-friendly, green and glitter resplendent, snacks and drinks til’ the bumper falls off kind of holiday hootenanny. Just remember to dress warm – you’ll be inside, but the doors will be open. | 6pm. Free. Urban Jungle. 1526 E. Passyunk Ave. philly.carpe-diem.qota

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7

Social | 35th District Christmas Movie with Santa

Does Santa like movies? He probably does, right? It makes sense, after all. He gifts them to kids as presents (we know, we know – it rots their brains, but kids learn in all kinds of ways and the visual medium is certainly one of them). He’s appeared in a number of them over the years, in a variety of forms. Plus, he’s got the body for some hardcore chillin’. So yeah. We’re gonna go out on a limb and say that the Man in Red loves him some movies. So if you wanna catch him in a good enough mood that you can ask for the full “Fast & Furious” box set, now may be the time. | 6pm. Free. Sturgis Recreation. 220 W. 56th Ave. philly.carpe-diem.events/35th

Music | Rhythm of the Night

Calling all speaker freaks and nasty beats. It’s 90s house night at the Dolphin Tavern so crack a glow stick or three and gnash your teeth on the tastiest binky you can find. Featuring Wassup Gina, Shearn and Dave Tidey, this is an evening for vibes that go way, way, way up and don’t ever come down (you might, but that all depends on what fuels your fun – no judgment). It’s cheap and it’s bound to be loud, sweaty and fun. Do yourself a favor and dance out some of the worldwide crazies. | 10pm. $5. The Dolphin Tavern. 1539 S. Broad St. dolphinphilly.com/rhythm-night

Music | Mumford & Sons

People tend to have strong feelings about Mumford & Sons, falling most often into one of two camps. On one side, you have those who love the band, their stripped-down sound, their meteoric rise and the way they suddenly seemed to come out of nowhere to be everywhere. On the other? The haters. And not haters in the sense of, “being negative for no reason,” but simply in the sense of, “this band sucks.” A fair bit of it is probably a product of their massive success and ubiquitousness. But it may also be because every song they write sounds exactly the same. Go check it out for yourself. | 730pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center. 3601 S. Broad St. ev15.evenue.net/

Social | Philly Pigeon Poetry Slam

We will … not be stopped. We will … rock til’ the mic drops, we will. We will … own this slam and all the stans from here to Afghanistan. We will … rhyme with ease and though we aim to please we won’t drop to our knees just to appease. We will. We will. We … will. *bows super gracefully*. Thank you for listening to our poem entitled, “We Will: A Requiem for Poetry Slams and Philly As the Most Artistic Town in America.” Seriously though, Philly’s the shit and you should support every artist who makes it that way, no matter their medium. | 830pm. $15. PhilaMOCA. 531 N. 12th St. thephillypigeon.com

Social | Bar Stella Happy Hour

Stellaaaaaaaaaa. Stellaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Who gets that reference? Come on, man. Classic film is so underappreci – oh. Everyone gets that reference. Well then. We’ll just shut up and go stand over here by ourselves while you hit the bar at Pizzeria Stella for another one of its First Friday Happy Hours. Make the trek and you’ll enjoy discounted drinks and food, plus a chance to enter to win a tour of the Kensington-based distillery, and four complimentary cocktails. *Extreme Narrator Voice*: “This message has been Brando-approved.” | 5pm. Free. Pizzeria Stella. 420 S. 2nd St. pizzeriastella.net/#happenings

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8

Social | Punk Rock Flea Market

“But, Calendar Section of PW,” we hear you all saying, “what is a punk rock flea market? Is it a flea market meant solely for punk rockers? Will they be checking how many patches have been sewn onto my sleeveless jean jacket? Or how many spikes are on the shoulders of my oversized leather coat? Or is it a flea market full of punk rock-related memorabilia? A place where punk rockers and rock rockers and no rockers can get together a peruse crafts and products that are all in someway related to the genre of punk rock music? What is it,” we hear you cry. “What is it!?” Turns out it’s the second one. | 11am. Free. Cherry Street Pier. 121 N. Columbus Blvd. delawareriverwaterfront.com/punkrock

Social | South Philly Handmade Brigade

This event kind of sounds like an army of crochet enthusiasts is going to descend on South Philly for a day of training, maybe a show of force, a little demonstration of just how adept they are with a needle. And it is sorta that, only a lot less … dangerous? It’s really just a gathering of shopping proportions, art, jewelry, clothes, glasswork and more, all made by local artisans. So go out and support. Those needles are huge though, so maybe take care. | 11am. Free. 1241 Carpenter. 1241 Carpenter St. facebook.com/SouthPhillyHandmadeBrigade/

Social | Fishtown Freeze

No, this isn’t a strike on all Fishtown-related businesses – though, as far as events go, that’d be a pretty interesting one. How long before the angry emails start rolling in from pissed-off store owners? And who the hell would be planning that, and for what reason? Sorry, we got a little sidetracked there. Turns out, this is actually pretty much the opposite of what’s described above. 25-plus custom ice sculptures, lots of holiday shopping deals, a cocktail crawl and, of course, a tree lighting. It’s in our contract that we can’t go more than five events without mentioning a lighting of some sort. | 9am. Free. Fishtown Co. 121 N. Columbus Blvd. facebook.com/events/

Social | Frankford Hall-idays

Technically, this event is also part of the event above, Fishtown Freeze (did we mention it’s not a freeze on all Fishtown-related business? OK, good.). But it’s interesting enough that we thought it deserved its very own super duper special mention. This is just the first day of three weekends worth of opportunities to meet Santa himself at Frankford Hall. Take pictures, eat big German pretzels, make sure you’re going to get the full “Fast & Furious” box set – do whatever you want. Just so long as it’s in the spirit of the holiday season. | 10am. Free. Frankford Hall. 1210 Frankford Ave. evensi.us/frankford

Social | Second Street Sessions: Holiday Crawl

It’s the 2nd Street Sessions, part of the 2nd Street Festival, back again. And this time …. it’s personal. Just kidding. Or are we? No, we are. Or – nope, nope. Just kidding. Honestly, it could be personal for some people, either vendors who are participating or the people who are helping to plan the whole thing. But for the rest of you, it’s just a good time at a variety of locations with some sweet deals all along 2nd. | Noon. Free. 2nd Street Festival. N. 2nd St. 2ndstfestival.org/

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 9

Social | ‘Game of Thrones’ Murder Mystery

This one takes, “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” to a whole new level. Of course, for all we know, Jon Snow knows a lot more than he’s letting on. In fact, he’s looking mighty suspicious over there in his all back get up and his unnecessarily brooding expression, like he just tasted something sour and he can’t quite decide whether he’d actually been eating something or it’s just the flavor of his own half-dead (literally) brain. We know you know, Jon. We know you did it. Come clean, you bastard! Get em’ girls! For Ygritte! | 6pm. Prices vary. Evil Genius. 1727 N. Front St. evil-genius-beer-company.ticketleap.com

Movie | ‘Lars von Trier’ Retrospective

This is actually the third and final night for this event so if you were dragging your feet about taking part, now’s your last chance to get in on all the von Trier retrospectiveness. Lars is, of course, set to release his latest film, “The House That Jack Built,” on Dec. 14. And, as tends to be the case, it’s surely a grippingly artistic and beautifully painful masterpiece. So why not enjoy/torture yourself with a few of his past pieces prior to delving into his latest and greatest creation? This night’s offering is “Melancholia,” von Trier’s study on human pain, sadness and the collision of worlds. | 7pm. Prices vary. Philadelphia Film Society. 1412 Chestnut St. filmadelphia.org/melancholia

Social | Princess Brunch

The only brunch specifically for families with young girls. Huh. Why do we feel so weird writing out that sentence? It’s not like we’re saying anything bad, this literally is an event tailored to families with young kids, and those young kids are specifically meant to be girls. Maybe it’s because boys could be into Princess Brunch, too? That might be it. But, boy or girl, if you’ve got a Princess who’s ready to be pampered like the pretty little sunflower he/she is, then head on over to Mad Rex for a brunch of epically beautiful proportions. | 11am. $5. Mad Rex. 1000 Frankford Ave. eventbrite.com/e/princess-brunch

Movie | ‘Tokyo Godfathers’

Anime occupies kind of a weird space in American culture. Which is to say, a lot of people love it, revere it even, and a lot of people see it as some kind of childish, stupid, possibly disgusting diversion created in a far off land by far out weirdos. Of course, the latter person probably loves Ugg boots and country-rap, but that’s neither here nor there. Either way, it’s high time anime received its artistic dues, and if you’re interested in finding out more about the beauty and heart this medium has to offer, this Christmas fable from filmmaker Satoshi Kon might be the best place to start. | 730pm. $10. PhilaMOCA. 531 N. 12th St. ticketfly.com/

Music | Underoath

It’s been a while since we’ve heard new music from the Oath-meisters, so it’s certainly good to see the creative juices continue to flow. The band had been touring exhaustively for over a decade when they finally decided to bid the world farewell in 2013. But the boys are back bay-bay! Just kidding. But they are. Just … ignore that last bit. Anyway, they’re touring now in support of their latest album, “Erase Me,” a project they began work on in 2017, and it sure sounds like they’ve been reinvigorated by the hiatus. | 645pm. $35. Franklin Music Hall. 421 N. 7th St. ticketmaster.com/underoath

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10

Social | A Holiday Musical featuring Jekalyn Carr

It’s always awesome when an event you assume is going to cost a particularly pretty penny turns out to be ab-so-freakin-lutely free. And such is the case with “A Holiday Musical featuring Jekalyn Carr,” along with a whole host of other voices from the Philadelphia gospel community. So if you’re feeling particularly free on Monday night (see what we did there?), head on over to the recently re-imagined MET Philly for a glorious evening of song and holiday cheer. | 7pm. Free. The MET Philly. 858 N. Broad St. hghphilly.org/

Social | Holiday Movie Trivia to Benefit the PSPCA

If you’ve ever read any of our other misguided musings here in the Calendar Section of Philly Weekly, you know we’re all about helping the less fortunate. And while that, of course, means the human and the homeless, those struggling just to survive on the streets of our fair city aren’t limited to the two-legged among us. So if you’ve got a soft spot for soft fur and cold noses, head on over to Punch Line Philly for an evening of trivia aimed at supporting the Pennsylvania Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. | 7pm. $7. Punch Line Philly. 33 E. Laurel St. concerts1.livenation.com

Learn | Enough Is Enough: Women’s Wellness Group

Enough is enough. Seriously. Why the hell do we keep having to cover the same fetid ground? Why the hell do the bigger and stronger among us so often choose to use that power to injure and impinge, to keep those smaller of stature from reaching the highest of heights? Heights they, left to their own devices, would so easily reach and likely even exceed? Why is it that we’re always left asking why? Enough is enough, and it’s up to all of us – every single one – to ensure the kind of change that needs to happen actually comes to pass. | 630pm. Free. Uncle Bobbie’s Coffee & Books. 5445 Germantown Ave. unclebobbies.com/

Learn | Antisemitism in America: is Hate Speech Free Speech?

No. There. Solved that one for you, the rest of America and the world, and even the orange goblin currently residing in the White House (or spending a few extra weeks in Argentina, ya know, just because the weather is like, so nice and stuff, not because he’s terrified of the ever-widening investigation, nope, not at all). But seriously, this is a tricky issue and worthwhile conversation to have. Because the truth is, as much as we may feel the obviousness of right and wrong, things in a human world are never quite so simple. | 6pm. Prices vary. National Museum of American Jewish History. 101 S. Independence Mall. nmajh.org/

Learn | ‘The Cabinetmaker’s Account’ Book Launch

Listen. Not everything can be a cat-themed dance party or a heavy metal hoedown. Sometimes you gotta get learnt. And in this instance, you’re gonna learn about craft and commerce in colonial Philadelphia, and you’re gonna like it! If you want to, of course. Presented in partnership with the Library Company of Philadelphia and the Athenaeum of Philadelphia, this is your chance to spend an evening with historian Jay Robert Stiefel as he presents his new book, “The Cabinetmaker’s Account: John Head’s Record of Craft & Commerce in Colonial Philadelphia, 1718–1753.” Dry stuff to be sure, but do you know who keeps us from (hopefully) repeating mistakes of the past? Historians. | 530pm. Free. Benjamin Franklin Hall. 427 Chestnut St. amphilsoc.org/

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 11

Social | Friends: The One with all the Drag Queens

We gotta say. Here at PW, we’re big fans of drag queens. Really, is there any other group of people on Earth more themselves, more willing to bravely endure whatever judgment could potentially be levied their way, more honest about the world and their place in it, than drag queens? The answer is no. And if they’re going to act out some of the best scenes and characters from one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, then you better fuckin’ believe we’ll be front and center. You should be too. | 7pm. $17. L’etage. 624 S. 6th St. eventbrite.com/friends-drag-queens

Music | Dave Matthews Band

Growing up in the Philadelphia area, as all members of the Philly Weekly Calendar Section must – because how else are going to get the particular nuances of things like cheesesteaks and the word jawn just right? – it always seemed like you were either a fan of Pearl Jam or Dave Matthews Band. Of course there was plenty of crossover, but it’s kind of like Pat’s or Geno’s – everyone has their preferred option and, ultimately, both options are wrong because the actual right answers are Soundgarden and Tony Luke’s. | 8pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center. 3601 S. Broad St. ev15.evenue.net/

Music | Every Time I Die

You know a show is gonna be good when it comes as part of a tour titled, “20 Years of Bullshit.” Which, if you’ve ever read about touring bands or watched a documentary or, heck, been part of a touring band yourself, makes a whole heap of sense. And considering just how wild Every Time I Die live shows tend to be, you can imagine just how much sweat, tears and, yeah, even blood has gone into building the faithful following they’ve managed in their two decades of existence. It can’t last forever, kids, so go see these scintillating sickos while there’s still time. | 6pm. Prices vary. Union Transfer. 1026 Spring Garden St. event.etix.com/

Music | Lil Skies

OK. We get it. Even before you say anything, we get it. We’re old (honestly, we’re an alt-weekly that’s been in circulation for almost 50 years, but we can follow the lines of our ancestors back to the ancient Eld’s of All-World) and so what we’re going to say next is probably gonna piss a lot of people off. But we feel it’s important to stick to our convictions. And what those convictions tell us is that the whole “Lil-whatever” is fucking stupid and “mumble rapper with tattoos all over their face” is even dumber. We kindly await your letters. | 8pm. $39.50. The Fillmore. 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com/

Learn | History after Hours: Enough to Feed an Army

Gingerbread – it’s not just for making structurally unsound mini-houses or luring children in out of the woods so they can be cooked and eaten in a sumptuous stew anymore! OK, maybe that’s all it’s really good for nowadays, maybe as a flavoring in your coffee or some such. But in the way back when, it was a necessary food source that Christopher Ludwick used in December of 1776 to help fuel the American side of the Revolutionary War. So drink. Eat. Be merry and give thanks that our ancestors knew how to whip up a mean batch of Let’s Lick Those Queen-Lovin’ Lobsters Gingerbread. | 5pm. $10. The Fillmore. 29 E. Allen St. amrevmuseum.org/gingerbread

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12

Eat | DiBruno Bros. Beer & Cheese Holiday Party

We’re real excited about this one. A partnership of delicious food and beer pairings between DiBruno Bros. and Troegs Brewery!? Count us the fuck in. Cheesemongers from DiBruno and brewmasters from Troegs will taste their way through a bevy of pairings that are bound to delight every single sense, then they’ll be presented for you and us and everyone else smart enough to buy a ticket to this one-of-a-kind event for consumption. Eat, drink and don’t forget to take home your swag bag. | 8pm. Prices vary. DiBruno Bros. 1730 Chestnut St. dibrunobros.ticketleap.com/

Music | Weezer

Beverly Hills … that’s exactly where I don’t want to be! (leave me, leave me). Hatin’ on Beverly Hills. We get that that’s exactly what Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo is saying, in his own singular tongue-in-cheek way. But honestly, California gets enough love. And Beverly Hills honestly seems kind of awful. Weezer isn’t though. The Blue Album? By gawd, that was some gloriousness. Maybe if you shout loud enough at the concert, you can get Rivers to tell you what “Hash Pipe” is about. | 8pm. Prices vary. The MET Philly. 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com/

Social | Holiday Lights Ride

Are there any bike enthusiasts among us? We’re sure there are, we just want to make sure before we go ahead and get a firm commitment on including this event. One, two … OK, OK. We’ve got a few. Let’s do this thing! Bikes wrapped in lights. Warm outfits. The holiday spirit (assuming yours hasn’t gone the way of the dodo just yet). Meet at Performance Bicycle and take a leisurely seven-mile ride through flat – emphasis on flat – Philly neighborhoods. Then retire to Tattooed Mom for some well-earned drinks. | 6pm. Free. Performance Bicycle. 1300 S. Columbus Blvd. bicyclecoalition.nonprofitsoapbox.com/

Social | A Philly POPS Christmas

Featuring Broadway legend Todd Ellison and Hamilton: An American Musical’s Mandy Gonzalez, this 300-performer event is sure to … pop. We’re sorry. It was there and then it was on the page and by the laws of Writing with a capital “W,” we simply cannot remove it from this section. Which we hope you’ll only hold against us, and not this wonderful Philly holiday tradition. Because these performers work very hard and we wouldn’t want our terrible (and entirely unavoidable) wordplay to deter you from enjoying an evening alongside them at The Kimmel Center. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Kimmel Center. 300 S. Broad St. phillypops.org/2018-19

Music | The Front Bottoms & Manchester Orchestra

It might be pandering, but The Front Bottoms and Manchester Orchestra have a new song out called “Allentown,” and we think that’s pretty cool. Sure, Billy Joel already did it. And did it about as well as anyone could. But the Front Manchester (or would it be Bottoms Orchestra? We’ve gotta be honest, we much prefer Bottoms Orchestra for all the, ahem, images it conjures) version is pretty dang good too. Let’s hope that someday we get an acoustic version by Ed Holmes. | 730pm. Prices vary. The Fillmore. 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com/

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13

Social | The Aunt Mary Pat LIVE! Holiday Experience

We’re not really sure if this technically falls under the label of drag show, though it’s certainly of a similar kind. And since we’ve already made our feelings on drag shows (absolutely, 100 percent pro), we won’t go deep into that part of it. But we will say that everyone has an Aunt Mary Pat and if you think you don’t, you’re just not paying close enough attention. This hilarious show will leave you howling, both from laughter and also the pain of knowing what awaits you during the holidays. | 7pm. Prices vary. Tabu Lounge. 254 S. 12th St. eventbrite.com/aunt-mary-pat

Social | 11th Annual Holiday Lights Run

If you run for fun, why the hell not run for charity? Seriously, you jerk. You’ve been wasting all that time getting your stupid body into shape for nothing. When, instead, you could have been running for a cause, pumping your stupid legs so that somebody less fortunate can have a holiday that’s a bit brighter than it otherwise would have been. Well, now’s your chance to atone. Join the South Philly Striders and the Fishtown Beer Runners for their 11th annual Holiday Lights Run. And make sure to donate to Philabundance or bring some stupid cans of stupid non-perishables, along with your stupid ass. | 7pm. Free. Columbus Square. 1200 Wharton St. secure.philabundance.org/

Movie | Free Screening of ‘Victoria’ Season 3 Premiere

PBS Masterpiece series Victoria is back and better than ever for a third season of intrigue and big, poofy dresses. Seriously though, Victoria really isn’t your mother’s monarch, and not just because your mother surely wasn’t born before 1875 and thus had never lived during Queen Victoria’s reign. She was a woman of substance, not particularly attractive but determined to project an air of beneficence. Plus, she’s quoted as saying, “The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them,” which is pretty ballsy. | 7pm. Free. WHYY. 150 N. 6th St. eventbrite.com/not-your-mothers-monarch

Music | Eve 6

Holy. Shit. This takes us back. We honestly had no idea Eve 6 was still a thing. We might have even forgotten that Eve 6 was a thing. But they were and apparently they still are, surely rocking audiences with shows that you just know end with “Inside Out.” In fact, excuse us while we take a break to go listen to that song on repeat for the next week or three. We’ll swallow our doubt and head out to the show to thank these guys for providing a perfect soundtrack for our late 90s/early 2000s angst. We think you should do the same. Even if it’s just this one rendezvous, then you’re through with them. | 8pm. $25. The Fillmore. 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com/

Social | bar amis vs. Kensington Quarters Cage Match

Two chefs enter … two chefs leave. And honestly, they’ll probably both still feel pretty good about themselves. Sure, do the notoriously competitive chefs probably feel like there’s something at stake? Yeah. But we’re willing to bet that when bar amis Culinary Director Brad Spence goes head-to-head with Zahav alum and current Kensington Quarters executive chef Matt Harper in a 4-course culinary battle, it’ll be intense and delicious. But we also bet this marketing stunt will go a long way toward making the “loser” of this battle feel a whole heck of a lot like a winner. | 7pm. $60. bar amis. 4503 S. Broad St. cagematch.splashthat.com/