Calendar: Dec. 13-19

Our rundown of shit to get into in and around Philly all this week.

Dog in Santa hat
Do something for the furry friend in your life this week in between all the other shit you have to do just to make it in America. After all, it is the holiday season. | Image provided

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13

Pop Punk’s Not Dead Dance Party

We’re keeping this genre alive until we all drop dead. You may not think it’s for the better, but you’d be hard-pressed to find any other music that’ll get you hyped up like this. Just shut up and dance. | 10 pm. Free. Garage, 1231 E. Passyunk Ave. facebook.com

The Bouncing Souls

These guys have been together for 20 years and they’re all still great friends? Hard to believe, but it’s true. Party with these punks in support of their iconic tenure as a band. | 7 pm. $44. Theatre of Living Arts, 334 South St. venue.tlaphilly.com

Drag War Remix: Slay Ride Battle Royale

This drag competition is decided by who gives the fiercest lip sync. It’s up to the crowd to pick the winner, so go with whatever girl stole your heart with their holiday-themed performance. | 7 pm. $14. Voyeur, 1221 Saint James Pl. facebook.com

Verotika with Glenn Danzig

The erotic horror comics of The Misfits’ Danzig comes to life in this creepy film. He’ll be here for a conversation following a screening of the film, along with producer James Cullen Bressack and Ashley Wilson, who stars. | 9 pm. $20. Philadelphia Film Society, 1412 Chestnut St. filmadelphia.org

Charming Liars

We all know some. Even if these guys didn’t play good music, we’re sure they’d be able to convince us. Luckily, they’re pretty damn talented at making alternative sounds that anybody could jam to. | 10 pm. Free. MilkBoy, 1100 Chestnut St. eventbrite.com

Crime & Punishmas

The holidays are the perfect time for an arts and crafts market like this. Everybody will be motivated to stock up on things they love, but don’t necessarily need. Nonetheless, it’s always beneficial to give your business to local creators. | 5 pm. Free. Crime & Punishment Brewing Co., 1517 N. Bailey St. facebook.com

Shameless Techno Party

Don’t hold anything back here. This twice-monthly party is back with a special edition – Back 2 Basics. Carlos Salas – the founder of the techno collective Fold Theory – is the featured artist of the night. Allow his expertise to guide you on a journey through some of the craziest noises you’ve ever heard. | 10:30 pm. $7. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. facebook.com

Mass Shootings and the Quest for Fame

Why did they do it? Getting in the mind of a mass shooter may be difficult, but it could be crucial in bringing an end to these acts of violence. Samantha Fuentes, a survivor of the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, will be here to talk about why we need to deny shooters the celebrity status they often seek. | 6:30 pm. Free. Slought, 4017 Walnut St. slought.org

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14

Motown Christmas

The music of Motown, much like Christmas, is a celebrated tradition in millions of families. Show your love for these soulful sounds at this holiday exhibit with art, live music and tons of food and drinks. | 4 pm. $5-$10. Philly Art Collective, 253 N. 3rd St. eventbrite.com

FIXED 15 Year Anniversary

This DJ set is all about creating the sounds of the future – whatever that may be. It usually goes down at a bar up in NYC, but it’s being brought to us for an even more exclusive night. | 9 pm. $5. The Dolphin Tavern, 1539 S. Broad St. eventbrite.com

Ween

We can tell that music is these guys’ true passion. Ever since 1984, Dean and Gene Ween have been giving the finger to any rule or expectation that has attempted to ground them. Fuck around with these fun-loving alt-rockers. | 8 pm. $49.50-$99.50. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. facebook.com

Sabotage!

Don’t be nervous – all LGBTQIA folks are invited to let loose at this night full of kinky play and discussion. There will be plenty of room for you to do your thing, as well as conversations and icebreakers to get you adjusted to the room. | 8 pm. Prices vary. Philly Music Hall, 4817 Longshore Ave. facebook.com

Jim Jones

Jones works on both sides of the music business. This rapper from the Bronx has had just as much success as a record executive as he’s had as a performer. Don’t miss him playing all of his best hits, like the unforgettable “We Fly High.” | 9 pm. $30. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. eventbrite.com

Fishtown Freeze

Your kids will be dragging you in all different directions at this annual family festival. Ice sculptures, photos with Santa, a gingerbread house workshop… how could they possibly decide what to do? | 11 am. Free. Locations vary. facebook.com

The Misfits

The original Misfits lineup is reuniting for a nationwide tour, much to our good fortune. We never thought we’d be witnessing these punks coming back together in 2019, and we can’t guarantee you’ll ever witness this again. | 9 pm. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. eventbrite.com

NYC Comedy Invades

Thank God we live in Philly and not New York. We also happen to be lucky enough to get their comics to come here, so we don’t have to leave. Get silly with brothers Jordan and Bret Raybould. | 7 pm. $15. Raven Lounge, 1718 Sansom St. eventbrite.com

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15

Johnny Cupcakes x Carlo’s Bakery

This unlikely combination will produce some fresh baked goods. Snatch up a T-shirt from Cupcakes’ newest collection, “Cocoa Cakes,” which will only be available at this pastry shop pop-up event. | 3:30 pm. Free. Carlo’s Bake Shop, 2101 Walnut St. eventbrite.com

Ed Bassmaster

Look at that face. Just another thing for this city to be proud of. He’s known for his super awkward pranks on YouTube and on his reality show, “The Ed Bassmaster Show,” where he puts people into some strange situations. | 8 pm. $37.50. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. facebook.com

Art in the Sky

Santa isn’t the only one flying high this season. Warm up with some homemade goodies by local artists and some delicious confections. It’s better to give your money to them than to multi-million dollar retailers. | 1 pm. $10. One Liberty Observation Deck, 1650 Market St. phillyfromthetop.ticketleap.com

Jingle Bowl Tournament

Think you have the balls to enter this bowling competition? Step right up and strike out while wearing your ugliest Christmas sweater. Cash and Christmas presents are at stake. | 5 pm. $20. North Bowl, 909 N. 2nd St. facebook.com

The Last Match

This jawn involves two tennis stars — one American and one Russian — both vying to be the best. Naturally, the twist (or tryst) here is that it’s the women in their lives that hold the key to control. Sounds like some 1980s Soviet Union Red Sparrow-type shit right there. Except it’s not and we know its not…we’re just saying, that’s what it sounds like. | Nov. 7-Dec. 15. $28. Lantern Theater Company at St. Stephen’s Theater, 923 Ludlow St. lanterntheater.org

The Philly Offensive

These comedians call out the shittiest people currently walking Philly’s streets. Their work got them banned from Facebook after causing a worldwide argument over people buying steak and lottery tickets with welfare money. All the videos are scripted, but if they were banned, you have to know their comedy is fucking good. | 8 pm. $20. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. facebook.com

Old School Hip-Hop Ugly Sweater Party

This may be the only time it’s acceptable to lean and rock in an ugly fit. Party to all the classics of the genre from the 80s-00s. Bring a toy for donation and get in for free. There’s nothing cooler than giving to charity. | 9 pm. $10. Moshulu, 401 S. Columbus Blvd. eventbrite.com

Jawns and Jingles

You’ve already bought all the holiday junk you wanted for yourself – now it’s time to think about your pets. Bring them out for pictures with Santa Paws and a bandana-making workshop to give them something that shows they’re ready for Christmas. | 1 pm. Free. Warehouse on Watts, 923 N. Watts St. facebook.com

MONDAY, DECEMBER 16

Martha Graham Cracker Cabaret

Take some advice from this tall, hairy drag queen. Sit down with her as she shares some tales over a stiff cocktail or two. This is her last performance of the year here, so you really shouldn’t miss this if you want 2019 to be a memorable year for you. | 8 pm. $20. L’Etage, 624 S. 6th St. brownpapertickets.com

Reggie and the Full Effect

We dare you to find another band that could do it all like they can. Emotional love songs, comedy, catchy beats. … It’s rare for musicians these days to be such a triple threat. | 8:30 pm. $15. Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St. eventbrite.com

Haunted Christmas

Halloween and Christmas will collide at this Rock Paper Scissors competition. Yes, you read that correctly. Shoot your shot at winning the game fair and square. You’re free to come out in your Halloween costume if you still have it, or in a fresh holiday sweater. | 7 pm. $3. The Raven Lounge, 1718 Sansom St. facebook.com

Joy to the World

Joilet Harris – a staple of the Philly theater world – will star in this heartwarming holiday performance. Bring the whole family to relish in the joy of being together – aw, we just feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. Isn’t the world such a beautiful place? | 8 pm. $28. Plays and Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey Pl. 1812productions.org

Minas Brazillian Jazz Quartet

We definitely don’t get enough talent like this coming around. For 30 years, they have been spreading their jazz to festivals throughout the Philadelphia area. See them in an unlikely setting for a show that’s bound to take your breath away. | 7 pm. $29. The College of Physicians of Philadelphia, 19 S. 22nd St. eventbrite.com

Holiday Movie Cocktail Party: It’s Turbo Time

You don’t have to celebrate the holidays with a high-key bar crawl. Sometimes, all it takes is a chill night with a friend, a cocktail and a great movie, like “Jingle All the Way” starring The Terminator himself. | 10 pm. Free. The Good King Tavern, 614 S. 7th St. facebook.com

Holiday CBD and Sound Experience

Get in on the CBD craze if you haven’t already. Don’t worry, Grandpa, you won’t get high – just really relaxed. We could all take the time to chill and forget all our holiday stress. All the proceeds will go to Camp Excellence, a summer arts camp for children. | 6 pm. $57. The Deacon, 1600 Christian St. eventbrite.com

Silent Night Sing-In

Do you or a friend have some golden pipes in you? Sign up to lend your voice to a mass sing-along inside a historic theater, where you will all belt out new renditions of classic Christmas songs. | 6 pm. Free. The Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. facebook.com

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 17

Brainiac: Transmissions After Zero

The indie-rock group Brainiac helped put the music of Dayton, Ohio, on the map in the ‘90s. This documentary follows the band after the loss of their frontman Tim Taylor, who was killed in a car accident. | 8 pm. $12. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. worldcafelive.com

Pete Davidson

He’s equally famous for his controversies as he is for his comedy. We love people like that who get everybody talking – and laughing. He’s the youngest ever cast member of SNL, so he has to have some talent. | 7 pm. $30. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. facebook.com

StorySlam: Wrap It Up

Just like presents, we’re close to wrapping up this year for good. Come share your stories of what you’ve wrapped up in your life, or of the holiday traditions that you keep up with every year. | 7:30 pm. $10. ComedySportz, 2030 Sansom St. firstpersonarts.org

Tattooed Momedy

A monthly comedy showcase of some funny ass people from Philly and beyond. This month’s headliner is Molly Hanulec, a local comedian who’s always busy cracking us up with her shows at Good Good Comedy Theatre. Plus, there’s $1 tacos here, so how could you even dare to think about passing this up? | 8 pm. Free. Tattooed Mom, 530 South St. facebook.com

A John Waters Christmas: Filthier and Merrier

This perverted and profane icon was delivering our Christmas gifts this year. He’s ready to squeeze deep down into your chimney and give you a holiday you’ll never forget. Commit a bit of sacrilege at this filthy, gay extravaganza. | 8:30 pm. $47.50-$125. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. utphilly.com

The Story of Whiskey

Educator Robin Robinson – which is a real name, by the way – will take the crowd through an entertaining journey of whiskey’s entire history. A tasting of whiskeys from six countries will follow. Get all international with no passport required. | 6 pm. $50. JG Domestic, 2929 Arch St. eventbrite.com

ThebandIvory

Frankie and Robbie – the members of this duo – are getting married at their own show. Even if you don’t know them, you’re kind of obligated to come give them your blessing. It’s pretty rude to ignore a wedding invitation. | 7 pm. Free. Franky Bradley’s, 1320 Chancellor St. facebook.com

The HYPE!

Who’s been the talk of the town lately? Find out at this showcase of the best up-and-coming musical talent in the area. If you don’t know Sarah Winston, Goodman or Jayson Verdibello by now, you probably should. | 8:30 pm. Free. Bob & Barbara’s Lounge, 1509 South St. facebook.com

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18

Stand-Up Confidential

You’ll never guess who will take the stage at this top-secret comedy show. If you’re a true comedy fan, you have to come out to see which comics from around the country are a part of this mystery line-up. We’re sure you won’t be disappointed. | 8 pm. $15. Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St. philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com

Heavy Metal Karaoke

Your parents always said this kind of music had no lyrics – just jumbled sound. Prove them wrong by showing you know every word to every damn Slayer song. All those hours spent in your room alone blasting these tunes have finally paid off. | 10 pm. Free. Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St. eventbrite.com

Adulting 101

Being a grown-up responsible for yourself is hard. This event series is designated to give support to those who could use a little help navigating this thing we called life. This month’s discussion is about how to eat healthy during the upcoming holiday season. | 6 pm. $10. Saxby’s, 2300 Chestnut St. eventbrite.com

Northeast LGBTQ Night Out

This isn’t limited to just one day of the week – inclusivity is celebrated every day at this friendly neighborhood bar. Witness art come alive on stage with a performance by Mx D. Underwood. Feel free to come back every Wednesday if you want. | 4 pm. Free. SawTown Tavern, 4717 Princeton Ave. facebook.com

Elf Screening

Don’t forget to BYO and hit the free candy bar before this classic holiday movie starts There’s no better way to watch a Christmas movie than high on a sugar rush or buzzed off some wine. | 7:30 pm. $13. PFS Roxy, 2023 Sansom St. filmadelphia.org

Image: CBS Landov

Deck build the Halls!

Building up a deck is the main goal in all the card games being played at this holiday meet-up. Wreck your opponents in Dominion, Star Realms and similar games with your fat stack – of cards, that is. | 6:30 pm. Free. Queen & Rook Game Cafe, 607 S. 2nd St. facebook.com

Music for Thought: An ALS Benefit

Five musicians will be playing in support of the ALS Hope Foundation at this charity concert. Pitch in to help somebody at the cafe who has been affected by this disease. | 8 pm. $5. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. eventbrite.com

Sittin’ In: Irreversible Entanglements

This music series is designed to introduce you to some cutting-edge artists of our time. Irreversible Entanglements is a jazz collective driven to change the world – they formed to raise money for Akai Gurley, who was killed by the NYPD in 2014. | 9 pm. Free. The Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19

The Philadelphia Moth GrandSLAM

Some of those who shared their stories in the Moth’s weekly StorySLAMs have made it to these championships. These seasoned storytellers will face off in a competition of the best tales. | 7:30 pm. $25. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. utphilly.com

Witch Market: Winter Solstice

Shop around at this pop-up of all things weird and witchy. Local vendors – including Black Cat Clothiers and Ludlow Luna – will be showing off their odd goods. Get roped into this wonderful world with some tasty food and drinks, and all the wares will make you stay. | 9 pm. Free. Lucky’s Last Chance, 848 S. 2nd St. facebook.com

Photo Night with Drunk Santa

Santa has had one too many. You probably would have, too, if you had to fly around the world and deal with taking pictures with millions of children every year. Drink up with the big man while there is no kids present. | 8 pm. Free. Garage, 100 E. Girard Ave. facebook.com

Really Funny Comedians (Who Happen to be Women)

Women are extremely capable of everything, especially of being funny as hell. Remind yourself this Woman Crush Wednesday of that. Catch some of the funniest women in Philly let it all out. | 8 pm. $16. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. punchlinephilly.com

TRAP Karaoke

Spots fill up quickly to perform at this night all about cultural empowerment and bringing together a community. Get up there and sing to whatever the fuck you want. Who knew a night full of people performing Lil Uzi and Future could be so empowering? | 8 pm. $30. Theatre of Living Arts, 334 South St. universe.com

Lolife

This artist creates sounds that will replicate the sweetest of dreams. Chill out to these bedroom pop sounds, and get ready for a huge variety of genres from the other local bands on the bill for the night. | 7:30 pm. Free. Century, 1350 S. 29th St. facebook.com

Lovable Monsters & Friends

All comedians are a little crazy, but we love them anyway. Celebrate the eccentricities of local funny people Che Guerrero, Rob Crews and more at this bi-weekly performance. | 8 pm. Free. Manny Brown’s, 512 South St. eventbrite.com

Only in America: Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Notorious RBG herself will be in Philly to accept the Only in America award, offered to American Jews who have achieved excellence. Try to snag tickets for the event, or stream it from home for free. | 5:30 pm. Free. National Museum of American Jewish History, 101 S. Independence Mall East. info.nmajh.org